Monday, October 26, 2015

Three Words, Eight Letters, Say It and I'm Yours

I was always dreaming of fairy tales with happy ending. Prince and princess, white castle, white horse, white roses. It might not sound that simple, yes, I did believe in fairy tales.
But as I'm growing older, I realize not every love stories has its happy ending.


That morning, I got a chance to meet a someone new, someone I've not known before. While waiting in the supervisor's office waiting room, she greet me.
"Are you internal medicine resident?" She asked.
"No, I'm from cardiology department," I replied her smiling. She smiled back at me.
There was few seconds of silence until she started talking to me.
"Some days ago, I got my forearm some varices. My right forearm felt so numb, looked pale and blueish. It was pretty hurt, but after I underwent some examinations, there was nothing found in my forearm. I was asked to take medicines, but my HIV specialist didn't allow me to. Even without taking medicine, it's getting better than before."
Little suprised, I asked her carefully.
"Pardon me, are you a..." 
"Patient," she smiled again.

Fifteen minutes of chatting made me knowing her a lot.
She said she is a victim, who got infected HIV from her former husband. She just knew she's positive just before delivering her third baby on surgery.
"And how about your children...?"
"Alhamdulillah they are all negative," she said. Again, she smiled at me. But I knew her eyes were teary. Her voice was shaking. 

This woman, I presume she is her in early forty, is a strong fighter. She told me that 11 years ago, she was diagnosed with diabetes after got pregnant with baby no. 2. During medical check up before baby no.3's c-section, she was told that HIV positive. This year, she has to fight against Hodgkin's Lymphoma, a cancer of lymphatic system. After few series of chemotherapy and experiencing its side effects, stopped-Anti Retro Viral therapy (with amount of CD 4 only 16 she said, If I'm not mistaken), underwent several examinations for her varices, and now here she is, sitting in front of me, sharing some of her stories, sharing some of her suffering to me.

"It must be hard for you.." I said. I really didn't know what to tell as response. These whole story left me speechless with my heart breaking.
"Well, I have to be strong for my self. I have 3 children to raise."
I stared at her, admiring her beauty. I saw shine throughout her eyes. 
"So how is your husband now?"
"Ah, he's been passed away few years ago..." 
"Surely you must not forgive him until now..." I guessed.
She went silent for a while.
"No.. I felt bad for him for not having enough time to spend with his children."


I had an extraordinary Friday morning. Like, Allah sent me someone to slap in the face, to stop me for complaining and regretting. We often forget the biggest blessing that we have to be thankful, a good health. This woman, even she looked healthy, is in very ill condition. Good health, is more than feeling good to be alive. It's a way beyond it. It's more than living, it's more than functioning. Being healthy is a blessing, therefore you have to make sure yourself contributing in society, as a gratitude of your health. 

Beside being grateful for our good health, there was other thing that I learned.
A forgiveness.
Forgiveness she gave on her husband amazed me. Everyone makes mistakes, so did her husband, and she forgave. I ever heard that love is about forgive, not forget.. And even after seeing her husband's dark sides, they stayed together. She might not have other choices, but she didn't regret and she lived with it. A forgiveness, it doesn't change the past, but it does enlarge future. Knowing her husband in terminal ill, she didn't leave. She took care of him. She stayed, until the last day of his breath. 

A fairy tale doesn't always end happily ever after. 
We are only human being, we've never been perfect. It takes courage to love, to overcoming obstacles. You have to work on your own tale, to make it happy ending. 
To build up your love, so it's not left as just a dream...

NB. Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf's is one of my favorite modern fairy tale. To see they both fighting for each other, to see how Chuck deeply fall for Blair... encourage me to have my own version of love story.