Trust Yourself, You Could Build A Castle, Out of All the Bricks They Threw At You

When life gives you a lemon, life actually also gives you three choices. First, you gotta ignore it. Second, you could prefer to be quiet and just run away. Last one, you could fight back: catch up that lemon and make a lemonade. Which one will you choose?

These past few days, I have been collecting all pebbles.. and bricks I received. Life is cruel. When you did right, you worked hard for it, no one care. It's quite contrary to the time when you did wrong. Is because black easier to seen than white? Or is because white is way easier to clean so all the dirt are more noticeable?

You are you, you are the key to all the pain and success in your own life. Your mind sometimes sabotages your path to willingness to fight back. It takes courage to get up and be dressed, to prepare yourself to a big fight. You couldn't just stay and be miserable for your own. The pressure you have received is actually good for you. 

It's essential to remember that the thing you want to change requires time, persistence, and also patience. Take one small step everyday, and leave a room to learn from your past mistakes.

From now on, you are going to do your best. 

"Cause baby I could build a castle, out of all the bricks they threw at me.."

New Romantics - Taylor Swift

Your Happily Ever After Is Always Near

Just today, I moved to Pulmonary Outpatient Clinic rotation. On the first day of my rotation, I saw heartbreaking scene. A grandparents couple came to my senior for consultation. They brought up the husband's thorax CT scan result. After seeing the film, facial expression of my senior changed. I knew this wouldn't be a good news. She walked over my supervisor, having serious conversation. Then I heard my supervisor said, "This is positively tumor."

My supervisor invited the patient, only the husband, to sit down in front of her, in a private place. Then she started talking, eye to eye with him.

"I'm sorry sir, there is certainly a mass in your lung," she took a deep breath, "a tumor, in your left lung."

This must be hard, for both patient and doctor. Delivering bad news has never been easy.

"But we need to take further tests to decide this is a cancer or not."

The patient didn't say anything. He must be shocked, I guessed. He stayed calm, but I saw his hands were shaking. Finished receiving enough explanation, he walked over to his wife. He smiled to her, "It's okay."

Most lung cancer does not cause symptom until they have spread or have developed into terminal stage. High mortality, poor prognosis. Honestly, I'm more curious on how this grandfather tell his wife about his newly diagnosed disease, how he will spend the remaining time he has. Most of all, is he strong enough to face the fact that he has to coping with cancer in everyday, from now on?

This must be extremely difficult. Might be, this time is his biggest breakdown of all time. 

The deepest pitfall that you might think you aren't able to get up again, it's the end of everything.

***

Few days ago, I read a beautiful line from my senior high school friend, Lentya. 

As she said, "In a glimpse of dream, hope, and expectation.. We will always meet our breakdown. So just hung in there. Tho it's hurt and tiring, but I believe there will be time for everything, include happiness. And even an ever after."

This reminds me what I've been believing, that wherever point you are, your happily ever after is always near. The distance between depends on how hard you create your magic and your trust in perfect timing. :)